Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
