I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
