She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
