please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
