We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
3 2 1 whiskey
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
