No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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