You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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