We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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