Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
