Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
