you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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