This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
