It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Sacagawea was the original milf.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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