I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
