wat bout pragnant strippers??
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
