I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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