Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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