i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
