I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
