Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
