this beer tastes like vomit already
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
