Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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