I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
