Your face is a jimmy john
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
