New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
