What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
