you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
