Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
