Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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