But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
