this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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