go do what you do best...puke behind churches
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
