Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
