She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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