It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
