I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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