My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
