Your dad touched me again.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
