i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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