Can i not drive my cunt home
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
