You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
