he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
