College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
