A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If I die, sorry about rent.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
