honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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