Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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