Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
