god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
