thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
