so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
In other news, I just burned my penis
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
