ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
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