i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
