Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
