Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
